Morning Surprise
by Asha'man of Fire
Summary: The extent which Haruhi interferes with Kyons life is extensive. But even he didn't expect this. Then again, he never could predict what that girl would do next. Even moreso when she's asleep.
1. Chapter 1

Just a little humourous idea I had. I may continue it, but consider it complete for now.

Writing in first person was difficult for me, so i want to apologize if I've slipped into third person and havn't noticed.

I don't own the Suzumiya Haruhi franchize or the characters.

* * *

There is a fine line between dreams and nightmares, and sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference between the two, especially in the beginning. The sight before me was one of those times when I just wasn't sure which was which. There lay Suzumiya Haruhi, asleep with her head rested on my arm and her legs wrapped around one of mine. She was beautiful, and this scene would've been amazing if not for one small problem.

I had no idea how I got here. The last thing I remember was getting into my bed where I (presumably, you never can remember) fell asleep. I woke up this morning to the feel of Haruhi's mostly naked body pressed against my mostly naked body, and now was confused as hell.

I decided a checklist was in order. First, how dressed was I? A quick check revealed that I was still in the same state of dress as I was when I went to bed, a t-shirt and boxers. Second, how dressed was she? Another, very brief peek under the covers later told me that Haruhi liked to sleep in a t-shirt and panties. This suggested to me that, no, we didn't do anything. It was still possible, but much less likely.

Moving on very quickly, lest such thoughts lead to me accidentally poking Haruhi in the thigh and waking her, something that I decided was to be avoided at the moment. Hey, I'm a healthy teenage male after all. This led to another pressing problem though, Haruhi herself. Was she aware of my presence, or completely oblivious? Would it be best to try and untangle her limbs from my own and exit stage left, or was she expecting to wake up in my arms.

If all those mangas and stories I'd read were any indication this was a rather important decision, as if I make the wrong choice I would be facing a _very_ angry Haruhi. This was something I wanted to avoid for multiple reasons, the first and foremost was that a truly angry Haruhi was one of the things that frequently haunted my nightmares, right alongside knife wielding girls with blue hair. It was just one of those things that was not allowed to happen. Partly because of the consequences to me personally, she would probably behead me for real, and partly due to what might happen to the world as a whole.

Perhaps I should explain that last comment. The SOS Brigade, a fairly innocent school club? I doubt anyone could mistake it for thus. A strange and illegal school club that got up to activities that could only be described with a 'What the hell are they up to now?' or to those more in the know 'What the hell is she up to know?' A much more accurate description I think, but still not entirely true.

The SOS Brigade, aka **S**aving the world by **O**verloading it with fun **S**uzumiya Haruhi's Brigade was a brigade with the sole purpose of finding Aliens, Time Travellers and Espers and playing with them, at least to its founder, the titular Suzumiya Haruhi herself. To the other members, Nagato Yuki, Asahina Mikuru and Koizumi Itsuki and myself, Ta-, oh screw it, just call me Kyon, everyone else does, its purpose was to stop Haruhi from finding out these things really did exist and were standing right in front of her.

Nagato Yuki was a Data Interface from the Integrated Data Sentient Entity sent to observe Suzumiya Haruhi, the chance to achieve Auto-Evolution. Asahina Mikuru was a Time Traveller from the future sent to keep an eye on Suzumiya Haruhi, a source of temporal distortions. Koizumi Itsuki was an Esper whose job was to keep Haruhi entertained to stop her from recreating the universe. Finally, I was just a normal human that had gotten caught up in it all. And finally, Haruhi was a being capable of doing all of the above; she just doesn't know it and it would be for the best if she never finds out.

Too bored and she might re-create the world to be more exciting, too angry and she might just destroy the world, though that was the worst case scenario. Something I for one thought she was wouldn't do, as in the last year she had really matured.

Still, I wasn't going to push my luck.

"Haru-chan, time to get up for school!" a feminine voice called from below, and I froze. Haruhi didn't stir.

This led to another problem, something I hadn't considered earlier, where was I? The now obvious answer was Haruhi's house. For some reason the idea of being caught in bed by Haruhi's parents was frightening, probably because I get the feeling I wouldn't be leaving the house alive if I got caught.

Well, that settled that, I was sneaking out. Slowly removing my arm from beneath her head, I was careful not to wake her as I eased her head back onto the pillow. The legs were harder, but with careful shifting up and off the bed I managed to from myself.

This lead to a new problem, clothes. I had none, and I was most certainly not running all the way to my house in nothing but a t-shirt and boxers. I needed help. I couldn't call my parents; they'd ask too many questions. That left the SOS Brigade. Asahina-san was out of the question, I doubted she could get hold of clothes my size, or better yet the school uniform. Nagato probably could help, but I get the feeling she would be rather upset to find me in this situation. That left Koizumi. This will not be pleasant.

Picking Haruhi's phone from the nearby table, I called Koizumi.

"Ah, Suzumiya-san, what can I do for you so early in the morning?" I could practically see the smile; he's such a kiss ass.

"Koizumi, it's me, I need your help." I whispered.

"Oh, it's quite a surprise to hear from you so early, especially from Suzumiya-san's phone. I wonder what you could be doing together."

Just what are you trying to say! Never mind that, meet me at Haruhi's house, and bring a change of clothes, preferably a school uniform.

"Of course, I'll be right over." Then the line went dead.

You better hurry Koizumi, or this could end badly.

"Haru-chan! You better be getting ready or you'll be late" the voice, presumably Haruhi's mother, called again, this time from just outside the door.

This time she did stir, but thankfully didn't wake up. This was getting dangerous!

Tip-toeing to the window, I was glad to see that it was big enough for me to squeeze through. However, there was one small problem. This wasn't the ground floor, it was the first, meaning it wasn't exactly a short fall.

I cracked open the window in case I needed to make a quick get away, and not a moment to soon. Haruhi's mother was making a third attempt at rousing her daughter, and this one was going to be a little more interactive if the opening of the door was an indication.

I panicked, took one look back and to see a beautiful woman with a very shocked look on her face and I jumped through the window. A heavy landing later, and I quickly limped away, hoping Haruhi and her mother didn't get a good enough look at my retreating form to recognise me. In the end I was just glad Haruhi didn't jump out the window to chase after me.

Twenty minutes later, I spotted a grinning Koizumi, thankfully carrying a full change of clothes, and I waved him over into the garden I was hiding in. He passed me the uniform, taking much too long to avert his eyes than I was comfortable with before finally giving me some privacy. I was just lucky we were more or less the same size.

Now fully dressed, I needed to get home to pick up my stuff, or I would've if Koizumi didn't hand them to me moments later.

How did you get my stuff? What did you do, break into my house?

"Of course not, your mother let me in."

Bastard, what did you tell her?

"Only that you had to leave early and you had forgotten something important that you asked me to pick up. I must admit though, I am curious about why you were with Suzumiya-san in that state of dress."

Again, what exactly are you trying to say. All that happened was I woke up in her room, called you and ran.

"Really, is that all, are you sure?"

Quite sure. Why would that happen though?

"Hmm, do you really not understand, after all she appears to have literally transported you to her room in the middle of the night."

Nope, not a clue.

"I have been sensing a mounting desire in Suzumiya-san lately, and she has continued to grow more frustrated about the issue as time passes, if that helps you in figuring this out."

Nope, I can't say it does.

Koizumi's smile slipped just a bit. "I must say, your ability to ignore the obvious is incredible."

What are you talking about? You make it sound like you already know why this happened.

Koizumi just shook his head and carried on walking.

I arrived way to early this morning, and with the long wait and Koizumi's insistence that he had to go, I decided to take a nice nap on my desk to pass the time.

I woke up to a very painful job in the back and when I turned around to complain I ended up faced to face with an angry Haruhi. Oh shit.

I've got to feign ignorance over everything she mentions about this morning.

"What's wrong with you this morning?"

"My mum thought I had a guy over last night and she didn't believe me when I told her I had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently he was my age and he hurt his leg when he ran. If I ever find that perv I'll make him wish he'd never trifled with Suzumiya Haruhi, Brigade Chief."

Is that so, that's too bad. Did she get a good look at him?

"Yeah, she did actually. She said she wants me to introduce her to my male friends at the club, so you better not be late!"

Oh crap, that meeting would not end well.

I'm afraid I can't come to the meeting today.

"Why not?"

I don't want to meet your mother because she'll recognise me, but I can't tell you that. I'll just have to settle for my parents needing me at home because they need my help with something.

"If you're not at that meeting it'll look really suspicious."

That's because it is.

"If it's really so important, I guess it can't be helped. I'll just have to bear with my mother's scrutiny until such as time as you two can meet."

I'll dread that day until it comes, and then I'll run away. For today I'll just hope you don't notice my limp.


	2. Chapter 2

The second chapter of my story. While the first was just a simple idea that I ran and had fun with, this is just me torturing Kyon. Enjoy

* * *

I awoke to a familiar sight, Haruhi's sleeping face. It had been a week since my first time waking up in her bed, and this was my third such experience. Unfortunately this time, there was another presence in the room. I turned and found myself looking up from my position on the bed to the very angry face of Haruhi's mother. The only thing that could make this worse was the sight of Haruhi's father, who I imagined to be a very large and domineering man.

When a man walked in seconds later my fears were confirmed. He was so huge he looked like he could snap my neck with his fingers. He looked as angry as his wife and I find myself shaking in fear.

I was rumbled.

"Haruhi!" her mother screeched loud enough to hurt my ears, waking her.

"What?" she asked angrily. It seems she hadn't yet noticed my presence. That changed when her mother nodded her head in my direction.

"Kyon!" she screamed. "What the hell are you doing here?! Violating your Brigade Chiefs bed is a hangable offense."

"Don't play dumb Haruhi. The windows are locked and there's no sign of a break in, which means you must've let him in. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt the first time, but not this time. You were all over him when I came in earlier."

"You will take responsibility, wont you?" her father rumbled.

Wait, wait, you don't mean what I think you mean, do you?

"You will marry our daughter, won't you?"

"M-m-marry!?" Haruhi yelled, incredulous. From the look on her face she was taking this seriously. I was so hoping they were joking, but if Haruhi thought they weren't I better be careful or I could find myself in unholy matrimony with her. It would be just my luck that her parents were traditionalists.

"Yes, of course. You think we would just let you do whatever you want without consequences. You must be joking."

B-b-but we haven't done anything.

"Can you prove that?"

Alright, think Kyon, think. How do you prove that you haven't had sex with Haruhi? Wait, I've got it. Haruhi should still be a virgin, right? I know she had a lot of boyfriends in middle school, but I seriously doubt she slept with any of them. She should still have her hymen.

While I smiled at my realisation, Haruhi's parents frowned, but seemed to be considering it. Haruhi herself however, looked as worried as ever. She didn't really sleep with anyone in middle school, did she?

"Of course not," she hissed quietly enough so only I would hear. "It's just I don't have a hymen," she continued, and I wasn't sure if her red face was due to anger or embarrassment, "I got rid of it with a vibrator ages ago when I got a little too into it." Whatever the emotions at her previous admittance, this time she was definitely embarrassed.

Shit, I'm screwed.

Our crestfallen faces must have tipped her off, because she went on to explain what she would do next, "Now, I'm going to call your parents and explain the situation to them, young man."

My parents! Of course, they wouldn't let me be forced into marriage with Haruhi. I was saved. Or so I thought. When the devil woman came back 5 minutes later, she was grinning a grin that scared me to death. It reminded me way too much of Haruhi.

"After I explained the situation to your parents, they've agreed to meet with me to discuss marriage. They're not very happy with it, but they say they're not going to stop me if I force the issue. They seem to like my daughter as well, that'll make things easier."

You can't be serious, please tell me you're joking. Please tell me this is all some elaborate prank to punish perceived premarital sex and prevent it from ever happening in the future. My parents wouldn't really sell me out like that, their one and only son, would they?

* * *

Next was breakfast, which was just as torturous and awkward as you would imagine, especially as I wasn't wearing any pants. Luckily it wasn't a school day, or I would have had to walk to school with Haruhi, and that would have caught way too much attention than I'm comfortable with.

At the moment I was left to the tender mercy of Haruhi's father. Well, it could have been worse; it could have been her mother, or even the reality warper herself.

Finally it seemed the man had gotten tired of my squirming and asked a question. "What's your name?" he rumbled.

I told him. When he looked at me blankly, I added, "but everyone calls me Kyon."

That made him perk up a bit, apparently he recognised the name. "My daughter talks about you a lot. I guess its no surprise that I'd find you in her bed eventually."

Okay, what the hell? What did he mean by that, and more importantly what exactly has Haruhi been telling you about me?

"Just a little bit about how you've helped her with that club of hers. Despite you being the lowest member, of course. She was always telling me about how lazy you are, and how it was her responsibility to make sure you didn't just lay around all day."

I don't lie around all day, and I'm not lazy, it's just that what she makes me do is so pointless that it isn't even worth doing.

"Yet you continue to do what she tells you."

Yeah, I know. I don't understand it either.

"She also tells me how much you like to complain and stop her funny."

Yeah, cause half of what she wants to do is stupid and the other half is dangerous.

With a nod of his head, her father began to move. "Come on, it's time to get you dressed, though I think my clothes will be a bit on the big side for you. Oh well, can't be help."

I feel as though Suzumiya-san wasn't quite as angry as before, and certainly not as angry as Haruhi's mother, so I decided to ask him while getting dressed. "Do you really want me to marry your daughter?"

"You know, I believe you when you say that you haven't done anything" Finally, some sense, "but my wife doesn't, and she **will** force the issue. She's a traditionalist, wouldn't even let me kiss her until our 6 month anniversary. Any further and it was marriage. She's quite the strong willed woman too, always convinced she's right, and terribly worried that Haruhi wont get married due to her… quirks. Once her mind is met up, like it is now, there is very little I can do."

"You mean there's nothing you can do?"

"Oh, I can still object, but why would I want to? I think you'd be perfect for my daughter, son-in-law."

I think that puts and end to my sanity, in fact I think I can see it go, out the door and get lost in the city.

We returned to breakfast to find Haruhi and her mother, the former gobbling everything in front of her up in second while the later eat at a much more sedate pace.

Fixing me with a piercing stare, and a rather large smile, she continued her meal. I quickly lost my appetite.

* * *

A few hours later found me in Haruhi's bedroom again, this time in my own clothes while I entertained my little sister with Haruhi. My parents were downstairs discussing the situation with Haruhi's. I just prayed that they didn't give in to her parent's demands.

"Why were you in my bed?" the voice was so quiet I barely even heard it, but it was unmistakably Haruhi who had asked that question.

In all the confusion I hadn't even thought about how I would answer that question, and I found myself gaping like a fish.

"You didn't do anything, did you? So why did you feel the need to sneak across town in nothing but your underwear, only to break into my house and slip into my bed? Did you really want to sleep with me so badly?"

Now, how do you explain this without any mention of powers and without making it seem like I'm some pervert who is in love with Haruhi? I settled for silence as I tried to think my way out of this.

"If you wanted to you could have just said so."

Wait, what?

"As the Bridged Chief it is my job to make sure its members are happy, and if sharing a bed with you would make that happen I would not hesitate to go through with it."

This girl, just what is she saying with my sister in the room, her face going between us like we were playing a game of table tennis?

I did the only thing I could do. I thanked her and told her I really appreciate the offer and that if I had a problem she would be the first person I would ask for help. Well, as long as she wasn't the cause, of course. She seemed to like that.

* * *

Three days later I was in the clubroom with Koizumi, discussing the latest turn of events.

"Congratulations" he told me, and was it just me or was that smile of his more real than usual. "I must say, we at the Organisation never expected this to happen, but are glad that disaster was averted."

I glowered. How the hell wasn't this a disaster, Suzumiya Haruhi was my new fiancée.

"True, you may not be happy now, but I'm sure Suzumiya-san is quite ecstatic at the turn of events. She will of course be devastated to learn just how deep your frustration at your up coming is is, so I please ask you to either let her down gently and tell her your true feelings, possibly ending the world, or to grin and bear married life with Suzumiya-san. Thank you."

You absolute bastard. That's no choice, and you know it.

One week later the world ended. Life with married to Haruhi, not a chance.

* * *

Two months later they were wed. Married life with Haruhi was an adjustment, but it had its perks. Plus, waking up every morning to Haruhi's bright smile made it all worth it in the end, and he really, maybe it wasn't so bad at all.

Though Taniguchi never did let him live it down.

* * *

Alternate ending. I just couldn't decide which to go for, so I decided to show both.

This officially pure crack to me now, and was never meant to be seriously anyway.

hope you enjoyed it.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, about this story. when I first thought of it, it was just an idea that I played with. The second chapter was just something funny I thought of. I've been told hat the idea had a lot of potential, and that's true. That is why I've decided to give free reign to anyone that wants to use this idea themselves. There could have been a much deeper story behind all this, but I'm too busy to write it, so consider this a challenge. Write a deep and meaningful story using this idea either as a starting point or main plot thread.

I would like to thank my reviewers for telling me that they enjoyed the oringinal idea, and apologise to my readers for letting it down in the end.

Sorry.


End file.
